Probably homophobes’ real scare is simply change itself. In patriarchal societies, which are opening up, such as Lithuania, it’s often claimed that women are less female in western countries and men are less male. A development in this direction is feared.  (Please click here to read Part 1 with Lithuania Tribune’s Introduction)

It’s true that women in moderately patriarchal societies often are dressing in a more feminine manner (in strongly patriarchal societies such as Afghanistan the dress-code is somewhat different). Also, the more patriarchal a society is the more forgiving women tend to be towards men’s behaviours. What is the reason for this?

Let’s start by analysing what, in general, determines a person’s socio-economic position in society. Basically there are three factors, which are influencing a person’s position. The first factor: who are your parents? Since both rich and poor people are getting both sons and daughters this factor isn’t influencing gender equality (unless, of course, men and women are not entitled to inherit on equal terms).

The second factor, what does the person himself, or herself, achieve in school, at university, at work or in business? In a moderately patriarchal society, such as Lithuania, it’s much more difficult for a woman than for a man to succeed academically, to get a job with a high salary or to become rich through business. Even if there are no formal restrictions for women to succeed, lack of public funding for day-care can force women to choose between family and a career. If men are not forced to make such hard choices in fact there are women only restrictions, although these obstacles are not formally printed as laws.

The third factor is determined by close personal relationships. At first glance for heterosexual people whatever gender inequality is created by the second factor it’s perfectly balanced by the third factor. The more inequality between men and women the second factor has created the easier it will be for women as a group to find high-earning rich men and the more difficult it will be for men to find women with a decent income and any assets.

However, big inequalities between men and women created by the second factor are not fully equalized by the third factor. If heterosexual women have to compete with each other to find a high-earning rich man in order to gain a good socio-economic position in society, heterosexual women will not, contrary to the situation of men, be able to enjoy the pleasure of sex fully and choose a man, whom they really love. Too much focus will be on finding someone, who will be capable of supporting herself and her current, or future, children. Also, inequality in income distorts the power-balance in a close personal relationship. If the man has a much higher income, it will be difficult for the woman to have half of the power in decision-making. In the back of her head she will know that at any time he could leave her and it would be an economic and social catastrophe for her.

This is the reason why in moderately patriarchal countries, such a Lithuania, women tend to dress in a more feminine manner and be more forgiving towards men.

In addition, if men as a group are earning much more than women, it will be rational for heterosexual families to organize work outside and inside the family in a highly unequal manner. The man will work long hours outside the family, while women are largely working at home. His life will be quite boring; almost like some kind of working camp and he will not see his children very much. Her life will also be monotonic at home without real intellectual challenges.

If Lithuania is to develop and get richer it will have to better utilize the capacity of the female part of the population. In short, Lithuania must become much less patriarchal, but then both men and women will have to change where they work and how they interact with each other. This change will be difficult for some. Many habits and norms will have to be transformed. However, in the end it will be better for everyone. Men will not have to contribute such a large share of an average family’s income. And as men will take more responsibility of housework and childcare men will forge closer bonds with their children at an early age. Such early strong bonds have been shown to enable men to be part of children’s life even in the unfortunate event that the relationship between the mother and the father of a child comes to an end.

As men’s and women’s lives become more similar, it will be easier for men and women to understand each other.

For women less responsibility for monotonic housework will be welcomed. Also, increased opportunities for women to succeed in professional careers and in business are freedoms, which ambitious and enterprising women will make full use of. For the economy to develop it will be absolutely necessary that clever women are not unnecessarily locked up in low-yielding housework. Needless to say, a family with two salaries is less vulnerable than a family, in which only the man is earning money.

If women as a group, through higher income according to the second factor, will start earning more relative to men as group, the subsequent changes in the third factor will be clear. Women will no longer be as concerned in finding a rich high-earner. They will be more confident in being the party taking the initiative to create a close personal relationship. In some Western European countries in heterosexual dating women are almost as likely as men to take the first step in initiating close personal relationships.

Contrary to what many conservatives in Lithuania seem to think the reason why women in Lithuania are dressing and behaving in a more feminine manner than in Western Europe is not that some epidemic of homosexuality in Western Europe has not yet spread to Lithuania. The reason why men and women in the moderately patriarchal society Lithuania can be viewed as more male and more female compared with many Western European countries is simply that men and women in Lithuania are still to a great extent living in accordance with stereotype gender patterns.

So what else are stereotype gender patterns leading to? An uneven power distribution between men and women is leading to more domestic violence in heterosexual relationships. In short, the longer it takes until these stereotype gender patterns are changed the more women and girls will be beaten up, raped and abused. It’s a well-known fact that much more women are raped by their husbands and boyfriends than by unknown perpetrators. I was talking with an educated and in other aspects quite enlightened Lithuanian man, who even questioned that it would be considered a rape, if a married man is having sex with his wife against her will. In Western Europe it would be considered a very extreme opinion not to define any sexual intercourse with a woman, who has said no, anything else than a rape, regardless whether she is married with the rapist.

Part 3-4 will be posted on Lithuania Tribune’s site during June 2010.*

A foreigner’s thoughts on Lithuania after the Baltic Pride – Part 1 (Introduction, Homosexuality)

Disclaimer

All views and opinions expressed are those of the author, Mr. Erik Edlund, and may not completely coincide with those of the Lithuania Tribune

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© Copyright 2010, Erik Edlund and the Lithuania Tribune, All Rights Reserved